Letters to Lovers
by Rainbow Moonshine
Summary: I finally saw what you saw in him. I found myself growing fonder of Dean. I could only hope he was growing fonder of me." When Rory went to Washington, Jess wrote her a letter that was lost in the mail. D


Title: Letters to Lovers  
Words: 1,781  
Pairing: Jess and Dean  
Rating: T for very mild language  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, Donnie Darko, or anything else I might have mentioned.  
A/N: Alright, it's another Jess and Dean story. The idea just came to me, so I had to roll with it. I really hope you all like it!

It was a Saturday morning, birds were chirping and the sun reached it's peek. Only a few people were awake, and most of them were getting their early caffeine jolt at Luke's. There weren't really that many people, Luke didn't need me, but he _wanted _me to work. He wanted me to work at 7 A.M on Saturday. It must have been a punishment for something, I probably stole something from the shop dedicated to porcelain unicorns just to get a rile out of the town. It had to have worked, it just had to have.

I remember I was filling Miss Patty's coffee mug when the bell above the door jangled, and Dean stepped in. He wasn't looking angry, or sad, or happy. He was just there. As if he had no existence. I pitied him, and decided that I didn't want to get into anything with him. He sat down, and grabbed a menu, and just scanned it. It didn't seem like he was really looking for anything, just kind of staring.

I gave him a cup of coffee, on the house. It was the least I could do. I kissed his girlfriend, and he didn't know a thing. He knew that you were gone to Washington, and thought you were having more fun without him. He simply thanked me, and I tried to smile. I really tried to pretend nothing happened, but he needed to know.

"Rory kissed me." I placed the coffee pot on his table, waiting for him to hit me. I knew it was coming, I just knew it. He looked up at me with his big, brown, puppy dog eyes. They looked like they already knew this information I had just blurted out, but they didn't want to believe it. The truth meant that things were changing. Nothing was going to be the same.

He looked back down, and played with the paper napkin placed in front of him. Then, he nodded, and responded, "French toast with a side of bacon." I certainly didn't believe it. After a minute of thinking about it, I did believe it. He wasn't as dumb as I originally thought. Dean wasn't the oblivious type.

I gave him that meal free, I payed for it myself using money I earned at Wal-Mart. It wasn't much, a few bucks for a burger and coke. He never did eat as much as you. That made him the cheap date.

Dean wasn't so upset after I told him what happened. He should have been, but he knew me, and he knew you, and he knew what was going on. Every time he saw me, I swear he clenched his fists, just for a second. Never did he hit me, not once. After while, the clenching stopped, and I stopped feeling guilty.

Everyday after I told him, he came into the diner. He ordered the same thing, and just ate what was given to him. He never had company, never talked to anyone else, and never looked up from his food. My original thought was that he was still getting over what happened, and that he was "grieving" you.

It was a Wednesday that I decided that I needed to get him to talk. It wasn't as easy as it sounds. "What's going on in that mind of yours?" I asked. Those words sounded contorted, as if I was never meant to say them. When he looked at me, it was if I'd ask him what he'd thought about having a sex change. So, I tried again. "Donnie Darko is playing at the Multiplex on Friday. Looks ridiculous, but something good to laugh at."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get you to talk to me. And placing an order does not constitute as talking." I had no idea why I was trying to be nice to him. He was never nice to me, even before he knew I liked you. It could have been because he had to clean off the chalk outline that I drew.

He thought about it for a minute, I could tell, because he was staring at his uneaten burger. "It's no fun laughing at a movie when there's no one to do it with you."

"I'm not working, if you're completely lacking company by Friday." He looked back up, but I already moved onto another table. I had just offered to hang out with Dean. _Your _Dean. It really couldn't be that bad, if all we did was make fun of it.

Friday came around pretty quickly, and I had forgotten about the movie. That was, I forgot until Dean walked into the Diner, holding two tickets. "Does your offer still stand?" I yelled to Luke that I was leaving, and we headed to the theater.

During the movie, we were able to make comments about the horrible movie that was showing front of us. I had my hand on the arm rest when I felt something being placed on it. I looked down, and Dean's hand was on top of mine. I didn't know what to think. I gazed over to Dean's face, he glanced at me, and smiled. I smiled back at him. That was the start.

After that day, we spent more and more time talking to each other, and hanging out with each other. I finally saw what you saw in him. I found myself growing fonder of Dean. I could only hope he was growing fonder of me.

A week after the movie, we were sitting in the back of the theater once again, and ridiculing the terrible movie that was playing. Things started out with his hand entwined with mine. But, then he put his hand on my knee. I'd never been that close to a guy before, I wondered if that was what most friends did. That thought soon left my mind after I put my hand on top of his. The feeling of our skin touching was like a bolt of lightning going down my spine. It was as if I was getting a wake up call.

I glanced at him, and looked back at me. I saw the vulnerability in his eyes, the softness of his touch, the twitch in his mouth. We both leaned over, and in a split second we went from friends to fuck-buddies. Our lips glazed over one another's, and our hands entwined once again. I grabbed his hair with my other hand, and he put his on my back. I felt out lip lock become more passionate, more intense. Then, he pulled back, breathed heavily, and bolted out of the theater.

I couldn't even comprehend what had happened. We had kissed. Me and Dean played tonsil hockey. Me and _Dean. _Just a few weeks ago I had hated the guy, but now, I felt something I had never felt before. I didn't know what is was then, but now I know it was love.

He didn't come to the diner the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. I wasn't surprised, but the tell the truth, a little hurt. I felt something, and I knew he did too. I wanted to talk to him, so when I saw him sitting in the gazebo, I pounced on the chance to chat. I sprinted out of the diner, toward the tall boy that was ignoring me.

"Hey!" As soon as I stopped in front of him I ran out of breath, but I was hoping I still had enough strength to stop Dean from running away.

"What do you want, Jess?" Dean asked me, his voice worn out, not wanting to pick a fight.

"What happened-" I was cut off by his interjecting hands.

"Nothing happened. Nothing will happen again. We don't even like each other. What 'happened' was a mistake, one that we will never speak of, _ever." _I sighed, and put my hand on his elbow.

"But it _did _happened. I mean I'm not jumping on the gay pride float, but we kissed. We fucking kissed!"

"Say it a little louder, Jess! I don't think they heard you in Japan!" We both sighed in resignation, and stared at each other. "I have these...these _feelings _for you. And they scare me, and make me nervous, and piss me off! I'm not gay! I don't love men!"

"And you think I do?! You think I make out with _everyone _that I see? I can't explain it, but I don't want to! Fine, okay, let's just ignore everything that has happened these past weeks!"

"Fine! My life was better without you in it!"

"Fine!" By then, neither of us noticed how close we had gotten. We were only a few inches apart. All those pent up feelings for each other were coming out. We couldn't stand the the tension, and closed it. Our lips met, and bodies entwined. He clutched my hair, and I put my hands on his chest. The kiss held more passion and lust than I'd ever felt before. It was as if I was having an epiphany.

Being this way, liking boys, has let me experience some amazing things. I want to feel like this for the rest of my life. It was if I was standing on top of a cliff, my arms spread, and the wind blowing through my hair. I felt like I could fly, anywhere and everywhere. It was the greatest thing in the entire world. I only wish you have that someday.

So, I'm writing you this letter to explain everything. You're in Washington, and so much has changed. After my epiphany, we spent so much time together, and I eventually fell in love with him. I knew that he felt the same way. However, by the time you get home, we'll act as if nothing has happened. He'll go back to being the dutiful boyfriend, while I find some random girl to make you jealous. (Really, it'll be for Dean, but I'll end up pretending it was for you)

I really hope that after you read this, your opinion of me has changed only a little. I liked you, and I realized that the feeling I got every time I saw you was something different. It was friendship, and I'd never really had that. So, thank you.

Lastly, I want to apologize. This letter has said a lot of things, things you might not be able to understand for a very long time. However, someday, you will.

Sincerely,

Jess Mariano

A/N: Eh, the ending could be better, but Jess has never been really good with endings.....hey, has anyone noticed the irony in the show Supernatural. Sam (played by Jared Padelecki...Also known as Dean) has a brother named Dean, and had a girlfriend whose name was Jess.....just thought I should mention it!...Anyway, please review. I know not many people read Gilmore Girl slash, so it's good to hear what people think! If you review, I promise to do something for you!


End file.
